Birthing Pains

Princess Diana and Dodi Fayed aboard the Jonikal yacht. Photo: Vanity Fair (Julie Miller, 2023)

Everyone has a favorite season. I tend to blossom in July, my birth month, when it’s prime summer and warmth clings to the air. But there are also seasons where we don’t flourish. I call these pruning seasons. They are uncomfortable and painful. Life feels like a constant state of sleep inertia. And yet, these are the very seasons where breakthrough begins: birthing pains.

I often want to rush to the good part. I skip through episodes, watch shows at 2x speed, anything to get to the ending. But I forget that the middle matters. The middle is where the turning points live and growth happens. Pruning seasons strip away habits and mindsets that cannot walk with us into the next chapter.

We live in a society that inadvertently conditions us to find comfort. For a long time, I thought I was sitting with feelings, just to realize I was rationalizing and moving along. But lately, it feels like I have been forced to sit with them. Just sit. Like drifting in the middle of an ocean, preserving energy.

I have seen people turn back when they cannot see the shore. But turning back is not an option. Some days you swim. Some days you float. Some days you just tread, and treading is exhausting. But discomfort asks you to stay in places you would rather escape, face truths you would rather ignore.

For me, discomfort is a teacher that teaches maturity.
And until the pain outweighs the irritation of being stuck, you will never move.

Breakthrough is not one giant leap. It is a daily choice. A daily surrender. A daily refusal to run from pruning.

I always told myself I was not emotional. But tears have been flowing. They are not weak. They are a sign of transition, proof that something is shifting. That I am moving into another dimension.

In the in-between, vanity tempts you to buy a new bag, take a trip, or whatever distraction I convince myself with. Anything to keep from sitting with my feelings. Solange, my soul sister, said it best in Cranes in the Sky. We chase things that do make us feel better, but only momentarily.

Eventually, I had to realize what I truly wanted and longed for could only be found within.
Cliché? Maybe.
But it's true.

So if you are in a pruning season, do not despise it.
Every tear is proof you still feel.
And on the other side is fruitfulness.